Jerilee is an accredited senior clinical psychotherapist and doctoral researcher, specialising in natural parenting. As a co-founder of 'Therapy Space' and creator of the online program 'PAUSE', she supports individuals and families on their journey. With expertise in attachment and parenting, Jerilee is passionate about guiding women through the transformative transition of 'Matrescence'. A devoted mother of two, she brings a holistic approach to nurturing healthy parent-child relationships.

'Tis the Season to Stop Giving (So Much): A Guide to Preventing Burnout for Mums

The festive season, with its sparkling lights and cosy gatherings, is traditionally celebrated as a time of giving. We’re encouraged to embrace goodwill, kindness, and generosity, putting others’ needs before our own. But as much as this spirit of giving can uplift, it can also overwhelm, especially for new mothers or those with young children. Balancing family obligations, seasonal traditions, and the many social demands that arise can easily lead to burnout.

Enter the “traffic light system” – a practical and compassionate approach to recognising and managing burnout before it takes a toll. By learning to notice the early warning signs within ourselves, we’re better equipped to care not only for our loved ones but also for our own wellbeing. This isn’t about becoming self-centred; it’s about nurturing ourselves so we can continue to nurture others effectively and joyfully.

This isn’t about becoming self-centred; it’s about nurturing ourselves so we can continue to nurture others effectively and joyfully.

The Traffic Light System for Burnout

The traffic light system is a simple, intuitive way to assess where you are on the spectrum of burnout. Think of your emotional and physical energy levels like a traffic light, where green means you’re functioning well, amber signals caution, and red indicates an urgent need for intervention.

Green: Content and Energised

In the green zone, you feel balanced and capable. You might notice that you’re enjoying family gatherings, finding joy in small moments, and feeling generally resilient. You have a solid sense of control over your schedule and are able to set boundaries without feeling guilty. You’re in a good place emotionally and physically, and you’re able to respond calmly to your child’s needs and the seasonal demands around you.

When you’re in this zone, take the opportunity to establish routines that help maintain your balance. Regular check-ins with yourself, moments of mindfulness, and small daily rituals can reinforce your resilience, allowing you to stay in the green zone longer.

Amber: Feeling Drained and Overwhelmed

The amber zone is where many new mothers find themselves during the festive season. It’s that space between “I’m coping” and “I can’t keep up.” In this zone, you may feel emotionally and physically depleted, irritable, or anxious. The pressure of obligations – family dinners, gift shopping, social gatherings – begins to weigh on you. You may start sacrificing your needs, struggling to say “no” even when you’re overwhelmed.

Recognising when you’re in the amber zone is crucial because it’s the stage where self-care can still make a significant difference. Try to prioritise rest, reduce unnecessary commitments, and carve out time to reconnect with your needs. Saying “no” to a few invitations or simplifying your holiday to-do list can be an act of self-preservation that keeps you from tipping into the red zone.

Red: Exhaustion and Burnout

In the red zone, burnout has fully set in. You may feel entirely exhausted, both physically and emotionally. Symptoms of burnout can include constant fatigue, detachment, irritability, and even a sense of numbness or resentment. In this state, you’re running on empty, and the joy of the season can feel entirely lost. Small tasks feel monumental, and the demands of parenting can feel insurmountable.

If you find yourself in the red zone, it’s essential to seek support. This may mean asking a partner, family member, or friend for help with childcare or giving yourself permission to step back from seasonal obligations altogether. Taking a moment to recognise and honour what you need isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. By prioritising your wellbeing, you’ll be better able to return to your family refreshed and genuinely present.

Embracing “Selective Selfishness” This Season

For many, the very idea of being “selfish” feels wrong. However, a bit of what we might call “selective selfishness” – a conscious decision to meet your own needs – is vital. Learning to say “no” doesn’t mean you’re neglecting others; it’s about making space to recharge so that you can show up in a meaningful, sustainable way. This festive season, dare to set boundaries and redefine “giving” as something that includes giving back to yourself.

Practical Tips for a Balanced Festive Season:

• Set Non-Negotiables: Identify a few core traditions or commitments that bring you joy, and make these a priority. Let go of anything that feels like an obligation rather than a joy.
• Schedule Downtime: Block off time for yourself in the same way you would schedule holiday gatherings. Use this time to rest, read, or simply enjoy a quiet moment.

• Be Open with Loved Ones: Don’t be afraid to communicate your limits. Family and friends often understand more than we expect, especially if you explain that it helps you be a better partner, mother, or friend.
• Simplify Where Possible: From decorations to holiday meals, remember that simplicity can be just as meaningful. Focus on experiences over perfection.

• Create Small Rituals for Reflection: Use the traffic light system as a daily or weekly check-in. Ask yourself, “Am I green, amber, or red?” Reflect on what you need to maintain or improve your emotional balance.


Active listening demands patience, empathy, and the willingness to momentarily set aside personal perspectives. Creating a safe space where your partner feels heard and valued is essential for fostering deeper connections.

Making Self-Care a Priority

Ultimately, caring for ourselves is the most sustainable way to care for others. This festive season, let’s shift the meaning of “giving” to include self-compassion and self-care. By embracing a balance of “giving” and “self-giving,” we can welcome the season with resilience, joy, and true presence for those we love.